Occasionally people with disabilities venture into the community to interact, however briefly, with people without disabilities who are either complete strangers or mere acquaintances; these encounters can become socially awkward for both parties, particularly when the latter lack experience with the former.

 

My many years of experience as parent, stranger or acquaintance suggest that such awkwardness is caused by at least three conditions and that all three are usually present when it arises.

 

One is that, depending on its degree of visibility, the stigma born by the person with a disability obtrudes on the interaction, forcing all who are present to attend to it.

 

The second condition is that people disabled in some way, who for example are unable to walk, watch television, or listen to popular music, lead vastly different lifestyles in these important areas of routine existence when compared with those not so disadvantaged. Thus, finding enough common ground for casual conversation can pose a problem, ground that people without disabilities naively assume is shared by all members of their society.

 

Additionally, some people are channeled by their disabilities into unusual occupations or, if institutionalized, into unusual pastimes, thereby further shrinking the common ground they can occupy with people having no disabilities. Whether done as work or as leisure, painting pictures with one's feet (as a amputee), working in a circus (as a dwarf), or playing piano in a nightclub (as a blind musician) are sufficiently different from what people without disabilities ordinarily do for work or leisure to further estrange the first from the second in everyday life situations.

 

The National Organization on Disability reports that more than 57 million Americans have a disability.

The Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) of 1990 was conceived with the goal of integrating people with disabilities into all aspects of American life, particularly the workplace and the marketplace. Sensitivity toward people with disabilities is not only in the spirit of the ADA, it makes good business sense. It can help you expand your practice, better serve your customers or develop your audience. Practicing disability etiquette is an easy way to make people with disabilities feel welcome.

 

When supervisors and co-workers use disability etiquette, employees with disabilities feel more comfortable and work more productively. You don’t have to feel awkward when dealing with a person who has a disability. This booklet provides some basic tips for you to follow. And if you are ever unsure about what to do or say with a person who has a disability, just ask! There is 'no' one, universal ruleset. Each disability is different, and each person is more different still.

 

Don't let fear and uncertainty keep you from getting to know people with disabilities. Fear of the unknown and lack of knowledge about how to act can lead to uneasiness when meeting a person who has a disability. Simply remember a person with a disability is a person with feelings. Treat him or her as you would want to be treated.

Understand that people with disabilities are entitled to the same courtesies you would extend to anyone, including personal privacy and be aware that you can't always see some one's disability. If a person acts unusual or seems different, just be yourself. Let common sense and friendship break down any barriers you may encounter.

This guide is for anyone—with or without a disability—who wants to interact more effectively with people with disabilities.

 

Following these guidelines may help prevent uncomfortable situations.

 

The Basics of Disabilities Etiquette

 

Ask Before You Help

Just because someone has a disability, don’t assume she needs help. If the setting is accessible, people with disabilities can usually get around fine. Adults with disabilities want to be treated as independent people. They want more than anything to have the same self determination that everyone else has. Offer assistance only if the person appears to need it. And if she does want help, ask how before you act. A very simple “May I assist you” goes a long way.

 

Be Sensitive About Physical Contact

Some people with disabilities depend on their arms for balance; Grabbing them— even if your intention is to assist—could knock them off balance. Never pat a person on the head and avoid touching his wheelchair, scooter or cane. People with disabilities consider view their equipment very personally; you wouldn’t touch a prosthetic leg. Wheelchairs, voice synthesizers, canes or other equipment is viewed the same way as a prosthetic leg; part of their personal space.

 

Think Before You Speak

Always speak directly to the person with a disability, not to his companion, aide or sign language interpreter. Making small talk with a person who has a disability is great; just talk to him as you would with anyone else.

Respect his privacy. If you ask about his disability, he may feel like you are treating him as a disability, not as a human being. If an individual wants you to know about their disability they will tell you when they feel comfortable enough to talk to you about it. Often people become disabled as the result of a catastrophic accident and they would rather forget about the incident.

 

(Most disabled individuals are comfortable with children’s natural curiosity and do not mind if a child asks them questions.)

 

Respond Graciously to Requests

When people who have a disability ask for an accommodation at your business, it is not a complaint. It shows they feel comfortable enough in your establishment to ask for what they need. And if they get a positive response, they will probably come back again and tell their friends about the good service they received. When you consider that 57 million Americans are disabled it makes good business sense to be accommodating; especially if you believe that we all are only temporarily abled and provided that we live to be old enough we will probably become disabled in some way.

 

Do Not Make Assumptions

People with disabilities are the best judge of what they can or cannot do. Don’t make decisions for them about participating in any activity. Depending on the situation, it could be a violation of the ADA to exclude people because of a presumption about their limitations. Many individuals with disabilities are truly amazing and I know people who have competed in the Special Olympics that are better athletes than I.

 

Put the Person First

Say “person with a disability” rather than “disabled person.” Say “people with disabilities” rather than “the disabled.” For specific disabilities, saying “person with Downs Syndrome” or “person who has cerebral palsy” is usually a safe bet. With any disability, avoid negative, disempowering words like “victim” or “sufferer.” Say “person with Cerebral Palsy,” instead of “victim of cerebral palsy” or “one who suffers from cerebral palsy.”

 

Still, individuals do have their own preferences. If you are not sure what words to use, ask. Avoid outdated terms like “handicapped” or “crippled.” Be aware that many people with disabilities dislike jargony, euphemistic terms like “physically challenged” and “differently abled.” These terms sound patronizing and disgustingly “politically correct” to them. Say “wheelchair user,” rather than “confined to a wheelchair” or “wheelchair bound.” The wheelchair is what enables the person to get around and participate in society; it’s liberating, not confining. It’s okay to use idiomatic expressions when talking to people with disabilities. For example, saying, “It was good to see you,” and “See you later,” to a person who is blind is completely acceptable; they use these expressions themselves all the time!

 

Etiquette and People Who Use Wheelchairs or Have Mobility Impairments

People who use wheelchairs have different disabilities and varying abilities. Some can use their arms and hands. Some can get out of their wheelchairs and even walk for short distances while others may have more limited.

 

Wheelchair users are people, not equipment. Don’t lean over someone in a wheelchair to shake another person’s hand or ask a wheelchair user to hold coats. Setting your drink on the desktop attached to someone’s wheelchair is a definite no. Don’t push or touch a person’s wheelchair; it’s part of her personal space. If you help someone down a curb without waiting for instructions, you may dump her out of the chair. You may detach the chair’s parts if you lift it by the handles or the foot rest.

 

Keep the ramps and wheelchair-accessible doors to your building unlocked and unblocked. Under the ADA, displays should not be in front of entrances, wastebaskets should not be in the middle of aisles and boxes should not be stored on ramps. Keep accessible paths of travel clear.

 

Be aware of wheelchair users’ reach limits. Place as many items as possible within their grasp. And make sure that there is a clear path of travel to shelves and display racks. When talking to a wheelchair user, grab your own chair and sit at her level. If that’s not possible, stand at a slight distance, so that she isn’t straining her neck to make eye contact with you.

 

If the service counter at your place of business is too high for a wheelchair user to see over, step around it to provide service. If your building has different routes through it, be sure that signs direct wheelchair users to the most accessible ways around the facility. People who walk with a cane or crutches also need to know the easiest way to get around a place, but stairs may be easier for them than a ramp. Ensure that security guards and receptionists at your business can answer questions about the most accessible way around the building.

 

If the nearest public restroom is not accessible or is located on an inaccessible floor, allow the person in a wheelchair to use a private or employees’ restroom that is accessible.

 

Do not shout. (This I have also heard from people who are legally blind.) For some reason, we automatically think that if a person cannot see or uses a wheelchair for mobility, she or he also must be deaf. I’ve also noticed this shouting fit coming on people who are speaking to someone who speaks little English. So, please, do not shout at anyone just because he or she uses a wheelchair, cannot see, or cannot speak a great deal of English.

 

Don’t use baby talk either. I had a friend with muscular dystrophy and several degrees; she was also petite but really didn’t look much younger than her 30 years — if you actually would look at her face. Without fail, people who did not know her would speak to her as to a child. She usually responded with compassion but when she also responded with her extensive vocabulary, the ones who had started with baby talk would actually get angry and walk away (as though she has played some kind of trick on them)! So, please remember that using a wheelchair does not mean a person is mentally deficient. My daughter Katie is usually with me. Often when speaking with people unfamiliar with Katie they will tell jokes or make off color comments to which Katie will laugh. The person will usually say “She doesn’t understand me does she?” I’ll assure them that she understood every word, to their embarrassment. I view it as their disabilities etiquette education through the school of hard knocks. It’s a lesson that they soon won’t forget!

 

Be a nice person; if your conversation is going to last more than three to five minutes, sit down or kneel so you are closer to the same level with the person using the chair. This makes eye contact possible as well as avoids an aching neck. (Try talking while you stare up at the ceiling and you’ll get the idea.) If you get at eye level, it will also help you avoid another mistake: speaking to the companion or the other people in the conversation and excluding the person in the chair. This is harder to do when you are at the same eye level as the person in the chair.

 

Don’t sweat your language when it comes to expressions. People who use wheelchairs "have to run" and do from time-to-time find themselves "running behind." However, please banish the word crippled from your language forever, okay? I know, there are organizations that still used this word in their name but how about we start a campaign to break them of that habit?

 

When you go out to eat, be prepared for restaurants and servers who know how to remove chairs and those who will wonder how to seat you and your friend! If there's any question, just step up and ask the server to completely remove the necessary chairs — pushing them to one side just makes you and your friend feel like you're dining in chaos. And seating at tables located along the outside (not the farthest corner) is often best.

 

Let the person set the pace in walking and talking. Be considerate of the extra time it might take a person with a disability to get things done or said.

 

When you are planning events involving persons with disabilities, consider their needs ahead of time. If an insurmountable barrier exists let them know about it prior to the event.

 

Don’t ask a wheelchair user to hold things for you. Respect her personal space.

 

People who use canes or crutches need their arms to balance themselves, so never grab them. Mobility-impaired people may lean on a door for support as they open it. Pushing them or quickly opening the door may cause them to fall. Even pulling out or pushing in a chair may present a problem.

 

Always ask before offering help. If you offer a seat to a mobility-impaired person, keep in mind that chairs with arms are easier for some people to use.

Falls are a big problem for people with mobility impairments.

 

Be sure to set out adequate warning signs after washing floors. Also put out mats on rainy or snowy days to keep the floors as dry as possible. (Make sure they don’t bunch up and make the floor impassable for wheelchair users.)

 

People who are not visibly mobility impaired may have needs related to their mobility. For example, a person with a respiratory or heart condition may have trouble walking long distances or walking quickly. Be sure that your business, hotel or department store has ample benches for people to sit and rest on.